Mood: bleurgh
Song stuck in head today: Sunday Morning by Maroon 5
So I didn't get into the committee. I expected no different given my interview skills. Or lack thereof more like it. I suffer from this I-need-to-express-myself-but-can't-so-what-I-say-comes-out-totally-wrong disease. That's why I was extremely upset when I got the message there was an interview. And the fact that mine was delayed due to KidsREAD didn't help much. After all, every interview I've undergone have severely flopped. Severely being the key word. Take the Pre-U Seminar interview, for example. It was a complete nightmare that I do not want to relieve. My nerves were bundled up so much that I went into a momentarily lapse of forgetting the interviewer's marital status and also going along making up my own vocabulary. Throw in a couple of nervous girlish giggles too and you'll have a shoo-in to the interview's worst moment. Bimbotic, much?
Secondly, the interview for the 31st Student's Council elections. Whatever I wanted to say came out completely different and foreign I wouldn't be surprised if there was another me sitting on that chair. Me who didn't want to ace the interview and get through to the campaigning round. Contradictions, stutters, "umm...s", "errr....s" and rating-my-desire-to-join-Council-a-7 aside, I think I would have done pretty OK. But the day the list came out, three people from 1AH got through. And I wasn't one of them. But I thought, "It's ok. I guess I'll run for the drama committee." I filled the form and wrote the essay. I even spent ages writing and re-writing it compared to people who scribbled some legible responses 1 1/2 hours before the deadline. I didn't even freak out and protest at the mention of an interview.
So the list came out again today (boy, my life has become so centred around whether my name is on a piece of paper!) and guess what? Nope. Zilch. Zero. It wasn't on it. My first thought was "Oh god.. I can't let Krishmen see me cry." And he said that those names were exactly what he expected. The only response I could muster was a "huh". I didn't want to say anything for fear my voice would betray me and I would crack and start to break down in front of him. So I just calmly signed up on the SYF supporters sheet while inside, my heart was thundering so hard it hurt. Even when I congratulated people who made it and told people the results were out, it was a mammoth task not to show my disappointment and shed any tears. The whole morning I was looking forward to Erwin's call because I felt he was what I needed. But numerous voicemail messages later, I gave up. If he said he was going to call, he would. If not, well like he said, he would do so the next time the ship docks in Singapore. During the day I tried not to think about it. I even considered not sitting with drama people just to get away from the highly talked-about topic that day. But unfortunately, Cremo duty officially started for Drama this week and us highly clingy people just can't help but rally around it like it's our salvation. I put my focus on Math. Yes, sadly, Math. I guess I'd really lost it, huh? I really didn't want to fail another Math test though. I just can't.
3.30pm: I was having a really rough time. The Exco results + horrible Math test which I definitely failed + realising that GP is way too much to handle + me barely passing my GP essay + hearing Erwin's voice on the phone = bring on the waterworks. I couldn't help it. I was a wreck! I felt like I've been slapped with failure after failure and I can't do anything about it. It's so demoralising. And amid all that sobbing and sniffling, I bet Erwin didn't understand a single word I said. But what he said afterward just seemed to fit. It's like he always knows what to say and says the right things. Things that make me think back on my reactions and go "Oh god... what did I do??" Things that don't seem to make sense at first but when it starts to sink in, nothing else makes more sense. So I guess I should have talked to him first before indulging myself in a large scoop of Rum & Raisin ice cream to cure my so-called depression.
So anyway, my monologue work beckons me. I have to envision how I want my Rachel character to come to life from a mere page-and-a-half of text through lighting, costumes, movements, etc. I realise that it's a lot of work. Oh well.. start cracking!
*scribbled 8:43 pm(:
Check out www.ingramhillmusic.com to find out more about this fantastic band!
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Mood: so-not-looking-forward-to-school-after-the-'long'-weekend
Song stuck in head today: Stickwitu by Pussycat DollsSigh... it was short, I know, but I treasured every word. I hope there will be another time. Darnnit now I wished I didn't say anything because it's starting to hurt all over again.
*scribbled 11:50 pm(:
Check out www.ingramhillmusic.com to find out more about this fantastic band!
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